This is my angry face.

Greetings from Guantanamo Bay, Maine where they've started forcing Betty and I to sleep in a small jail cell.  What the hell did I do to deserve this!? No explanation. No trial. No legal representation. Nothing.  They just threw me right in the clink. If pupperoni wasn't so delicious I would start a hunger strike.



Betty

Welp, I got my first toy. Check her out! Her name is Betty. My soon to be adoptive parents sent her up to Maine to hang out with me. Apparently, they have had her sleeping in bed with them (perverts!) and spending a lot of time with her so that I'll be accustomed to their scent when I move down to Boston in a few weeks.

Let me tell ya - Betty reeks of nothing but vodka, body odor and hot dogs. Woof. You've got to be kidding me. Is this a practical joke? Who are these idiots anyway?  I hope they can pull it together for my arrival.

My Dad

So I've been alive for 3 weeks. THREE. and today is the first time my "father" has come to visit. Talk about being an absent parent. Jerk. I didn't realize I was born in Harlem...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Get it off me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wanna hear a pizza joke?

Nevermind, its too cheesy.

Introducing my roommate Huckleberry...

I wanted to take a moment to introduce you all to my roommate Huckleberry. He's the little guy lying next to me in this picture. He may look all cute and adorable, but make no mistake about it - I don't like huckleberry one bit. I actually can't stand this guy. He constantly wants to snuggle with me, he hogs the bed and he tries to eat all of my food. Worst of all, and excuse me for being a little crass, but worst of all - he is the gassiest dog I have ever been around. We're talking wet smelly dog farts. It's disgusting. I like "taco tuesday" as much as the next guy, but come on, Huck. Have a little class, will ya? Bad dog.

Fluids

Ya know what really butters my bread? Unnecessarily gross words. Fluids? Moist? Slacks? Sandwiches? There HAD to be a better way to go about that... Nothing good comes from any of these words...

Fluids - A substance that has no fixed shape and yields easily to external pressure... no fixed shape? yields easily to pressure?

Moist - I'm not even defining this one. It doesn't deserve any of our time.

Sandwiches and Slacks - How does your mouth feel when you force those words out? Hmm?? You want to brush your teeth, dont you?