My trip to Cape Cod

Aren't those beaches on Cape Cod great?!  Well.. aren't they?  I sure as hell wouldn't know. These two roommates of mine dragged me down there for the weekend and went to a beach that didn't allow dogs. Oh, Really?  "doesn't allow dogs?" I weigh 9 pounds. They couldn't sneak me in?  Apparently the 14 year old pimpled doofus working the security checkpoint at the town beach was too intimidating for them to attempt it. I had to stay behind at the house with "grandma" #5 like a toddler. Thanks, guys.  OH, ALSO - thanks for blasting "call me maybe" all the way home on the highway with the windows open.  You guys are so cool I can barely stand it. FML.

My Cousin

So, my cousin Chewy from Texas was supposed to come visit me at the beach next weekend with the rest of my moms creepy family for their Family "Olympics" (I've met most of these people, they are NOT athletes). ANYWAYS. I was so excited to have someone to discuss politics and some of life's finer things with while those fools run around like baboons, but now Chewy can't come anymore. Look at him. He's so upset he can't even get out of bed.

Two can be upset about this. If he's not going, I'm not going.

Happy Friday, America!

I wish I had thumbs...

ummmm HELLOOOO can someone please give me a hair cut so I can see?? How do these morons not notice I have hair growing directly in front of my eyes? If I had opposable thumbs, I'd just do it myself... but NOOOO I'm stuck depending on tweedle dumb and tweedle dumber.

ALSO please keep me away from America's degenerates. Last night I took one of my roommates for a walk to show her a statue of Paul Revere. Just as we walk out of the apartment, two crack heads in their 60's start screeching about how cute I am and "OH MUH GAWWWWDDDD WHAT IS HEEEEEE???" as cigarette smoke comes pouring out of their collapsing black lungs... is this real life? Because I'm seriously beginning to wonder.
What is he? I'm a dog. Is that not clear?

Let's talk about these pictures..

The picture taking around here is out of control. Every time I turn around, my two wannabe paparazzi roommates are taking an action shot of me or begging me to sit still so they can snap a photo on their fancy smart phones.  I'm a puppy.  Get over it.

BANG

These idiots STILL shoot off this stupid cannon twice a day, despite my repeated complaints.  What are they shooting at?  I've been dragged all over the city for 12 days now and I haven't seen a single red coat. Sure looks like the war's over, guys. Give it a rest already. If they're looking for someone to shoot at, I suggest the sweaty hairy unkempt mess of a human who delivers mail to my house everyday. That slob makes so much noise! Once I learn how to bark I'm really going to let him have it.

5 nights at the beach

After 5 long days rolling around at the beach, I think it goes without saying that I smelled... wellll... frankly, I STUNK. After that weird kindergarten guy finally left me alone, I grabbed my baby shampoo and towel and headed to my aunts house for a nice relaxing bath. Just as I'm settling in, my creepy mom got IN the tub with me and started spraying and shampooing me. Ummm, hello? This is my time. Have I ever jumped in the shower with you? No. Sure, I lay on the bath mat while you're in there. But it's just to make sure that stupid squeaky raccoon doesn't try to get you. I'm protecting you man.