My trainer is a jerk.

I don't know how many of you are aware of this, but I'm currently in training to be a therapy dog. I have about a month of training left. Sounds cool right?  Yeah, it isn't. Not at all.  This idiot trainer doesn't let anyone horse around with me anymore! We used to have so much fun!  Now I'm expected to just lay around and shake hands with people like a gentleman.  I'm a puppy!  So I like to jump up on Michael and nibble on his fingers.  What's the big deal?

 

I can't wait to be done with this training. Five more weeks...

Godfather

Yesterday I went sailing. Why anyone thought I should spend five hours in a life jacket on a sailboat is BEYOND me. These fools were HYSTERICAL if they thought I was going to walk on those rickety docks. NICE TRY. If you want me to hang out on a boat, you can carry me to it.

In other news, I officially got a godfather. I live in the most italian neighborhood in Massachusetts. I was the only guy on the block without one. But that issue has FINALLY been resolved. The interview process was grueling and I appreciate the background checks and screening, but these morons should have had this squared away WELL before I arrived at their house. I'd hate to see how they handle "real" life issues if they can't figure out something as simple as this. Pathetic.

Oh, and they got drunk and changed my middle name to "Jenna". Winston Jenna? I assume I don't need to comment further.

Willie

I don't know who this "Willie" character is that my male roommate is always talking about, but I'm really starting to get sick of it. He keeps talking about how much cooler, smarter and better his dog Willie was than me. HELLOOO??? I CAN HEAR YOU MAN... It's always Willie this and Willie that... If you love Willie so much, why don't you marry him?

My roommates are jerks.

Get a load of how the idiots have been feeding me lately! What the hell is this all about?  There's a perfectly good bowl right there!  These guys are unbelievable.

Saturday

Sorry I've been missing in action for so long. I had to babysit my family. I was kind of warned about what my weekend at the beach was going to entail, but boy was it SO much worse than I prepared for.

First of all, when I woke up Saturday I was taken to the groomer. Sure, I couldn't see because my hair was in my eyes, but you really had to take me to see some weirdo dog groomer? What sort of pansy needs to be blow dryed after a bath? Not this guy. I thought we agreed my "trainer" was the last weirdo you'd leave me with?

So next we go to hang out with a bunch of creeps at the beach. My uncles are absolutely insane. They made my cousins battle to the death. One of my roommates has bruises on 80% of her body and a stab wound on her foot from stepping on a broken bottle. What kind of sick people do things with a high chance of stepping on a broken bottle? I was SO glad my grandma came to pick me up before things escalated... I don't even want to know what happened after I left those lunatics.

I finally make it to safety and snuggle into bed with Lion, and what do you know, my aunt bombs in the house at 2 am and turns all the lights on and wakes me up. Yes Chelsea, I'm talking about you. Do you have any idea how confusing it is for me to be woken up? I'm just getting the hang of sleeping... now this? Can't a pup catch a break?

What a mess. Anyways, I'm back and I have a LOT to fill you in on. These schmucks also took me to Chinatown. Do you know how dangerous that is for someone like me? Stay tuned.

My teeth...

The stupid things keep falling out of my mouth... Uhhh guys? I kinda need you to hang in there. The people I live with REFUSE to serve me wet food so teeth are 100% necessary for me to eat. This better not happen again, I'm not ready for a geriatric lifestyle.

Learning.