My roommates are jerks.

Get a load of how the idiots have been feeding me lately! What the hell is this all about?  There's a perfectly good bowl right there!  These guys are unbelievable.

Saturday

Sorry I've been missing in action for so long. I had to babysit my family. I was kind of warned about what my weekend at the beach was going to entail, but boy was it SO much worse than I prepared for.

First of all, when I woke up Saturday I was taken to the groomer. Sure, I couldn't see because my hair was in my eyes, but you really had to take me to see some weirdo dog groomer? What sort of pansy needs to be blow dryed after a bath? Not this guy. I thought we agreed my "trainer" was the last weirdo you'd leave me with?

So next we go to hang out with a bunch of creeps at the beach. My uncles are absolutely insane. They made my cousins battle to the death. One of my roommates has bruises on 80% of her body and a stab wound on her foot from stepping on a broken bottle. What kind of sick people do things with a high chance of stepping on a broken bottle? I was SO glad my grandma came to pick me up before things escalated... I don't even want to know what happened after I left those lunatics.

I finally make it to safety and snuggle into bed with Lion, and what do you know, my aunt bombs in the house at 2 am and turns all the lights on and wakes me up. Yes Chelsea, I'm talking about you. Do you have any idea how confusing it is for me to be woken up? I'm just getting the hang of sleeping... now this? Can't a pup catch a break?

What a mess. Anyways, I'm back and I have a LOT to fill you in on. These schmucks also took me to Chinatown. Do you know how dangerous that is for someone like me? Stay tuned.

My teeth...

The stupid things keep falling out of my mouth... Uhhh guys? I kinda need you to hang in there. The people I live with REFUSE to serve me wet food so teeth are 100% necessary for me to eat. This better not happen again, I'm not ready for a geriatric lifestyle.

Learning.



My trip to Cape Cod

Aren't those beaches on Cape Cod great?!  Well.. aren't they?  I sure as hell wouldn't know. These two roommates of mine dragged me down there for the weekend and went to a beach that didn't allow dogs. Oh, Really?  "doesn't allow dogs?" I weigh 9 pounds. They couldn't sneak me in?  Apparently the 14 year old pimpled doofus working the security checkpoint at the town beach was too intimidating for them to attempt it. I had to stay behind at the house with "grandma" #5 like a toddler. Thanks, guys.  OH, ALSO - thanks for blasting "call me maybe" all the way home on the highway with the windows open.  You guys are so cool I can barely stand it. FML.

My Cousin

So, my cousin Chewy from Texas was supposed to come visit me at the beach next weekend with the rest of my moms creepy family for their Family "Olympics" (I've met most of these people, they are NOT athletes). ANYWAYS. I was so excited to have someone to discuss politics and some of life's finer things with while those fools run around like baboons, but now Chewy can't come anymore. Look at him. He's so upset he can't even get out of bed.

Two can be upset about this. If he's not going, I'm not going.

Happy Friday, America!